Kick the black dog (a long personal post, but hopefully also useful to other people).

[The poster will be in the next post. I felt that I should write this, and then Easter got in the way.]

I really enjoyed PyCon 2014. But I never loved PyCon 2014 with an all-consuming passion. And this is well.

I was sometimes tired at PyCon 2014. I was certainly tired as I came back home from PyCon 2014.[1] But I was never tired and sad beyond anything in this world at PyCon 2014, or after. And this is very well.

I had a couple of worries at PyCon. I never panicked uncontrollably and without a cause. It was a good feeling.

I loved not being exhilarated but enjoying my time. I even loved being under the weather or worried, because I was a bit down but not crushed. It was well, it was so good.

I'm bipolar, I've got bipolar disorder.[2]

Not so long ago, I was in a really bad place. It took more than I expected: I felt better in August, but I overdid myself and I got stuck back until Christmas. But around Christmas it looked as if things started falling into their place.

Now I'm managing.

I still have to be aware at all times: stop alcohol that moment before; if you're tired above that level go straight to bed and call it a day; if you start laughing that uncontrollably keep an eye on yourself, even if you're watching Some Like It Hot. Learn to find that that, push it and yourself but not beyond that, don't take it badly if you get it wrong. Take your medications, morning and night.

But I'm managing. As in: I've never been better in years.

I'm just a bit torn between enjoying reading books[3] and being able to follow what happens in TV series[4] even more because I know how much the mind can be in a terrible state, and being quite scared because I know how much my mind didn't realise the terrible state in which it[5] was.

As far as work is concerned, I'm just happy. OK, no: I'm worried about the Years I Wasted Being Ill, as usual.[6] But I'm so happy. If I managed to stay afloat during that time, now that I'm well I feel that I can do so much. So healthily. So well.

A whole conference, and I'm just tired because of some work, jet lag, a bad flight and two days preparing what turned out to be a fantastic almost-seven-hours-long Easter lunch for eight people.[7] Never happened before. It's going to happen again. I can't wait.

And (no spoilers, but) I have projects. Things to work on. And I can do it. No, I'm not setting the bar too low: I'm counting my blessings.

Because I've been lucky, blessed, whatever you call it. I had support from many people and from the system (thanks, NHS). I didn't have many sources of stress that others may have; my medications don't give me terrible side effects[8]. But, in the end all that matters is here: I'm well. Not so bad, at least. (I'll be better as soon as I'll overcome the bagnacaoda[9] leftovers.)

So, here's the Attempt at Socially Useful Part of this post:

1. Mental health issues are bad
2. Don't even try to deny it
3. As in "think of the children with cancer,[10] you're just being difficult, get over it"
4. But they're not invincible
5. Even when they're incurable, they are (often) treatable
6. But you have to do something about it
7. As in avoiding the whole "medications and doctors are evil tools" thing
8. So, try to get help
9. And, if you can, remember to fight for people that aren't able to get help
10. Like people that cannot afford to see a doctor
11. (Yes that was a hat tip to free health care)
12. And if you have a mental illness, remember that
    1. You are not alone
    2. It's not shameful to be ill
    3. (My grandmother never said that someone had cancer. She just said that someone had "a bad illness." As if there were good illnesses.)[11]
    4. Yes, it's bad
    5. But you can fight it and win
    6. Because it's not you, it's it
    7. No matter what it puts in your head
    8. And I'm here, cheering for you

Done.

Although, if you want to continue the discussion in the comments or drop me an email - feel free.

Now I should really study Django. The tutorial by Tracy Osborn at PyCon was really illuminating.

And I should write something to deal with footnotes in my posts, I guess.

Footnotes

The title is a reference to how Winston Churchill used to call his depression. Which proves that you might win the Battle of Britain but not completely overcome depression. Sometimes one has to settle.

[1] Consider that the journey back home included: a US border control agent calling the paramedics because I had all the symptoms of a heart attack; said paramedic being French-speaking and not knowing the word "spleen," as in "I don't have a spleen"; signing a form to get home as soon as possible; three hours on the tarmac; back to the gate; a change of route so that I could avoid New York, that was shut down due to bad weather (the guy behind me in the queue looked incredibly like Theon Greyjoy from Game of Thrones); yet another wait; a flight with a lot of turbulence; the worst food I'd had in a while; a four-year-old screaming in my ears for about five hours out of the seven when we were in the air; a mother of said child that acted as her four-year-old were as incontrollable as a six-month-old baby, so much that the flight assistant (who bore a striking resemblance to the director of Torchwood One from Doctor Who) gave up telling her to keep her boy still and seated for landing.

[2] Note on ableism/disability rights/that-sort-of-things. "I've got bipolar disorder" or "I'm bipolar": the issue is complex. How much the mental illness is part of your mind, and how much of your mind is part of you? And even if it isn't: how much an experience such as a mental illness defines someone who has dealt with it? I'm OK with both phrases, but be aware that it's a minefield.

[3] The Lord of the Rings (appendixes included); Harry Potter (all seven books, crying like a baby); God Believes in Love - Straight Talk about Gay Marriage (by Gene Robinson, one of my heroes); Redshirts (by John Scalzi, and you should read it because it's beautiful); The Importance of Being Earnest (which has some absolutely hilarious subtle gender-swapping moments I didn't remember); Il corpo non dimentica (by Violetta Bellocchio, it's available only in Italian - so far; if you read Italian I wholeheartedly recommend it: it's amazing, and I'm not saying it just because I know the author), Marvel: the Untold History (I'm still in the middle of it), Young Avengers written by Kieron Gillen (my welcome-back-home gift from my own best husband in the world).

[4] After a thorough rewatch of Buffy and Angel, Fringe.[4.1] Next: catching up with Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and maybe Mad Men from scratch.

[4.1] If I ever get my hands on an unlimited amount of money, I want Nina Sharp's stylist to design my outfits.

[5] "It"? "She"? If I'm "she" shouldn't my mind be a "she"?

[6] And anyway I'm telling the whole story (or at least a good part of the story) of my 20kg medical record in instalments in this great web magazine (in Italian; but if you read Italian...).

[7] Hey, the title of this blog is not just a random quote from Grace Hopper.

[8] If you've ever watched Silver Linings Playbook[8.1]: the scene in which the main characters compare the side of effects of psychiatric medications embarrassing everyone at the dinner table rings so true to me.

[8.1] Good film, and it's amazing how it's able to tell a story about people with mental health issues avoiding to fall into stereotypes. (I won't expand or I'll never finish this post.)

[9] Bagnacaoda: Piedmontese dish. It involves garlic, anchovies, butter (a lot of butter), oil (a lot of oil). But, you see: it's eaten with vegetables (dipped in the "bagna"), so it must be healthy. Right? I can give the recipe in the comments, if you wish.

[10] And as a "cancer survivor" I can guarantee you that cancer patients are less than amused to be used for your inspiration porn.[10.1]

[10.1] You should really read the article I just linked.

[11] As JK Rowling (via Albus Dumbledore) says: "Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself."

Do you want to build a project? (Come on, let's go and play.)

This time I'm going to play it safe. Maybe too safe. But hey - I've always been against criticising something just because it's fashionable.

So, let's talk about Codecademy: the Python track and beyond.

I was wary of Codecademy. Exercises without apparent theory? Mmmh. A little stern teacher inside me kept repeating me sermons about pampering myself too much. But then, at PyCon 2013, Jessica McKellar introduced Python for beginners with the hands-on Codecademy tool. And I fell in love.

Codecademy is the Addictive and Playful Way to approach the Hard Way. It's the cool aunt who gives you her Led Zeppelin CDs, teaches you not to give up listening even if it's not what you're used to, but never brags about "in my times". And as an icing on the cake she tells you about her escapades when she was listening to that song.

You do your exercises and you don't fool yourself into thinking that you know how to do something just because you read the theory. Even better: your exercises are checked as soon as you've done them, so you know if you know or you don't know. You soon become committed not to lose your winning streak, so you exercise every day. You want to grab those nice colourful badges, so you challenge your fear of not being good enough.

And you learn. Not so slowly, and surely.

The topics are introduced at a fundamentally constant pace. If you pick up the basics quickly, you can dash through the first tutorials and then take your time to absorb the harder stuff (and since the track touches concepts as far as lambda expressions, the harder stuff is not always so intuitive). If you are the kind of student who gains velocity over time, you can spend your first days to get acquainted with the first concepts and then enjoy the more complex ideas.

After you've learned your concepts (even if you didn't notice that you were learning, you were too busy solving the problem at hand), for each section of the track you have a project to put in practice everything: a project on larger and more satisfying scale than an "exercise section" in a traditional textbook, but small enough not to derail you in an overwhelmingly ambitious plan. (There isn't one for the Advanced Topics, but once you'll be there you'll be old and wise enough to take care of yourself. It would be nice, but that's a minor issue.)

And then, you go beyond! The community gives you nice projects. You can give back to the community with nice projects.

You try your skills at dealing with APIs, and you learn the wider concepts you need for those APIs.

You learn to ask questions and get answers (and that's another skill, and a most useful one) discussing with other students in the forum: a good practice for when you will eventually interact with others on Stack Overflow.

To top it all off, you have a glossary that will help you in those "I knew what this word meant"/"How should I say that?" moments.

Theory and practice, play and commitment. You have it all. You just have not to fall into the trap of "it's not serious if it's not painful."

Enjoy.

The title of this post is a reference to my favourite movie of this past winter, the story of a young woman who learns to control her power and to put it to a better use, for the fun of everyone including herself. Here's something to show you its funny side:

More kangaroos, children's games, and I cannot make the title too long.

LCA2013 closed this afternoon. My intellectual batteries feel so recharged they could light a medium-sized city.

The children's game is none other than... our old friend Git, as presented by Michael Schwern in Git for ages 4 and up. What is better than a set of construction toys to explain us the building of a directed acyclic graph? And what is better than a talk that explains clearly, taking its time both to have fun and to let you write notes - yet it's not afraid of going in depth? The talk was such a success (people were told to leave the room for health & safety reasons!) that it had an informal second take in the main foyer today.

Quick but absolutely lovely lunch and chat with the queer-friendly BoF group, then it was time for Emmanuele Bassi's Ponies and Rainbows: Clutter 2.0 and GTK+ 4.0. I don't know Clutter enough (and I know Emmanuele Bassi too much, being his proud wife) to comment on it - but it gave me the idea of tackling my beloved husband and write a beginner's guide to Clutter on the model of what I did last summer for GTK+. *Disclaimer*: I don't know when I will find the time...

In the evening, the Penguin Dinner in the wonderful setting of Mount Stromlo. Great company, we saw more kangaroos, but unfortunately I had to leave early because I was not feeling very well (sigh). I have been told that some people left at 4am... so: another success! for the incredible organizers and volunteers of LCA2013!

And then we come to this (Friday) morning. Sir Tim Berners-Lee. Yes, that Sir. Too much in his keynote to fit a post (he seems to talk at double the speed of an average human being): but it's worth mentioning a fond and moving remembrance of a fourteen-year-old Aaron Swartz, and his answer to a parent wondering what the internet has in store for his/her children: a call for the children to be the ones that make said internet.

The last talk I attended was once again Denise Paolucci, Web Accessibility for the 21st Century (the title was changed at the last moment from Beyond Alt Text). Another beautiful tutorial - clear, funny, informative.

I took a long break, then... lightning talks! From What is GNOME OS and why it won't eat your children (our Emmanuele Bassi, again), to Vimperator (I must tell about this to my PhD supervisor, who is madly in love with Vim) to A few words on depression.

The closing ceremony followed... and I hope to be able to make it to Perth next year!

And I also saw a kangaroo in the wild.

Hi, I am in Australia.

I am at linux.conf.au in Canberra, to be precise. Always trying to learn something new - I cannot wait for the talk about Git for Ages 4 and Up, by Michael Schwern, today (Thursday - I am still not completely over the jet lag).

What have I done so far, besides meeting very nice people, too many to mention?

On Tuesday there has been a miniconf for women - Haecksen, which I learned it is the German word for female hackers. Men were welcome, of course! The talk that struck me the most there was Denise Paolucci's Overcoming Imposter Syndrome: great suggestions on how to fight that bug in your brain telling you you are going to be found out , from "always ask questions"  to "mind your (internal) language" to "teach". A very funny exercise followed the talk: a typical self-deprecating thing was reported by someone in the audience, then whoever thought that of him/herself once raised his/her hand - and it looked like a calisthenics class after a while. I find it interesting how this useful talk was felt to be needed for women, or at least mostly for women: and how I think that yes, indeed, it's mostly a woman's problem. Could it be caused by how women have often to manage conflicting expectations? (Of course I think that men have problems with expectations too, but I also think that at least these are mostly due to "simple" bars set too high, not with "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situations.)

And a mention must be made of Radia Perlman's keynote, also on Tuesday. It was interesting, it was funny, it was accessible: I was absolutely fascinated - and no, it was not just the graphs. It ended with one of the wisest suggestions I have ever heard, for everything in life: before fixing a problem, make sure you know what the problem is.

OK, now it's time for breakfast, and another exciting day!

(And if you're wondering about the kangaroo: yes, I am sure I saw one the other night.)